Ya ever have one of those days where you just sort of surf through it on instinct? Like, you find yourself kind of doing whatever it is you’re doing but not really thinking about it?
That was my day today — and I was consciously aware of it, which made it kind of weird.
I had some things to do and errands to run, which is not unusual. But normally, I think through the things I have to do and arrange them in the most efficient order, and plan my route to the different stores or whatever, in order to get done what I gotta get done as quickly as possible.
Today though, I had a few things I needed to take care of but I didn’t really plan them. And I found myself driving routes that I wouldn’t normally have taken, and doing things in an order that didn’t really make a lot of sense. Like I’d start going in one direction toward one place but then change my mind and go somewhere else, for no real reason.
At first, when I discovered I was doing this, I sort of attempted to consciously structure what I was doing a little better, but then I thought, eh, maybe I think about stuff too much and decided to just surf it.
I got what I needed to get and did what I needed to do, but it sorta got me thinking about why these days come along. Maybe it was better, for some reason, to use my gut instincts instead of letting my brain get in the way.
But why? I dunno – maybe I avoided an accident or something because my timing was “off”. Maybe I crossed paths with someone completely unknown to me, and it made a difference in their day.
I remember one time my brother was driving us somewhere – I don’t remember where – but I remember that we were delayed leaving the house briefly – like mom had asked us something on the way out the door or one of us had to run back in and get something. It wasn’t more than 30 seconds but it was a delay. Then on the way to where we were going, some distance in front of us, a car pulled out into the road we were traveling, very clearly running the stop sign (and speedily might I add) and I think nearly hitting another car. And I remember my brother commenting that if we hadn’t been held up, that dude would have rammed right into us. He didn’t even say that much. All he said was “That could have been us.” And I knew exactly what he was talking about. It was just one of those moments that you just KNEW you had avoided disaster by just the dumbest of luck. Or timing. Or fate. Or whatever.
So I just started kind of wondering what I either did or didn’t experience today that might have been different. I think this happens pretty often, and we usually don’t get to be lucky enough to know about it. I will say, though, that just in case it was “meant to be”, I did buy a lottery ticket. I mean, I don’t think the universe gives that much of a damn about me and it certainly has no reason to extend me any great favors — I’m not in need or anything. But, ya can’t win if you don’t play. And what the hell.
Anyway it was just sorta weird, and again like I said, was made even more weird by the fact that I was aware of it. And at some points during the day I would start to direct myself into my standard operating procedure, but would catch myself and try to return to that sort of lower-level consciousness where I would just “go” instead of trying to target a goal.
It was cool though just not thinking too hard — I need to do a lot more of that in my life. I gotta learn to just trust my instincts and learn to roll with the world as it flows to me and around me rather than trying to always shape it into however I think it should be. That second thing? That’s freakin exhausting. I really need to stop. It makes me tired and uptight.
That’s really hard though. I guess I gotta practice or something.
