Wishing on Stars

Do you still wish on stars?  Not just the “falling” ones, but the stars?  Maybe the first one you see in the evening?  Hoping like damn it’s not a planet?

I do – or rather I find myself doing it with some frequency.  And I don’t even use the conventional wisdom of “first star I see tonight” or anything like that.  

I find that when I need to make a wish or feel like I need some astral assistance, I look to the heavens. Probably much like our early ancestors.  Living out where I live, I can see lots of stars on any given reasonably clear night.  Even more when there is no moon.

So tonight I find out that I have a friend who is in trouble.  No I don’t know exactly what kind of trouble, but there’s something bad going on that is manifesting itself in his behavior and his relationships. It’s a friend I have (sadly) not kept in close touch with, though I will clearly reach out to him to find out if there is anything I can do.  Just listen.  Or whatever.

I have never really been the “nurturing” type. And I’m not the bullshit type either. So I try to let my friends know that I am here for them whenever they need me to be. Maybe I’m not active enough about it.  Then again, I find it completely annoying when people repeatedly ask me “are you okay?” Drives me nuts. Because most of the people who ask don’t really want to know.

So by being “no bullshit” I think I try to distinguish myself from the people who don’t really want to know — because I do. Not because I want to know but because it seems like you want to tell me…someone…anyone who will listen and not judge. Christ knows that I’m in no place to judge people.  Life is life and you get through the day any way you can at the moment.

So this evening I have a friend who is in trouble and I look skyward.

Have you ever heard the sky talk back?  I do. Sometimes.

You know how when you see a shooting star and you happen to have a lottery ticket in your pocket that you make a wish.  I do that. It’s fine – it’s normal I think.

So tonight I look up to the stars and I ask the heavens to please help my friend.  Friends really – I have a few right now who are in bad places. So I ask for help for my friends. Yeah man, I wanna win the lottery.

And the heavens ask me back, “How about if they win the lottery?  Wouldn’t  that make you jealous?  Wouldn’t you wish that for them just so you could somehow benefit?”  And the answer, as far as I can tell, is “no.”

I’m not a complete altruist – sure I’d love to be independently wealthy and whatever.  And you know what?  If you win the lottery and want to pay off all of my debt, I’m sure as hell not going to stop you.  But really my life is just fine these days and I have nothing to complain about.  And if your life sucks and having a shitload of money would make things significantly better for you, have at it.  I would be absolutely delighted for you.  Buy me a beer just for fun.  

I don’t like to know that people are in pain or having a hard time of it.  Especially the people I care very much about. So if there is ever anything I can do, all you have to do is ask. 

So maybe when I look up at the stars, what I’m really asking for is for the gods to somehow let my friends know that they can call me or write me or just show up at my door.  Because maybe I don’t do a good enough job of that.

I hope the stars were listening tonight. Fuck the lottery. If this is the wish I get, so much the better.

~ by bronwynjoye on March 26, 2009.